October 2010
6 posts
1 tag
saved the world from the incoming robot hordes, now its time to save it from zombies. a mans work is never done.
Oct 11th
4 notes
1 tag
Oct 10th
5 notes
1 tag
dear new york yankees…turn off god mode please. -frustrated twins fan
Oct 10th
1 tag
you know the economy is bad, when a homeowner is selling hot dogs outside his house.
Oct 9th
4 notes
1 tag
Oct 6th
9 notes
1 tag
man hands: you cant buy them, you have to earn them.
Oct 5th
7 notes
July 2010
1 post
1 tag
future reference to anyone and note to self…if you ever come across a woman and you can see white all the way around the pupils of her eyes, its a good indicator she owns more than 5 cats. avoid them at all costs! i was stuck on the trolley for 30 min next to one who has 8 cats. my ipod on full blast couldnt drain her out.
Jul 4th
February 2010
2 posts
1 tag
Feb. 15th, morning after pill day….or at least it is for the smart people
Feb 15th
1 tag
Feb 3rd
January 2010
8 posts
1 tag
“How do I know” a poem by Google. How do I know …if he loves me …if she likes me …if I have herpes …if I’m pregnant …if my dog is pregnant …if I have swine flu
Jan 27th
52 notes
1 tag
i want to push someone, anyone into a dryer and turn it on.
Jan 25th
1 tag
Brett Farve is obviously working for Buffalo Wild Wings, why else would you do something so stupid to “send it into overtime!”
Jan 25th
13 notes
1 tag
freezing rain is fun. soon all the water will freeze over and it will be like the ice level in super mario.
Jan 21st
1 tag
ListenNew Young Pony Club - Hiding On The Staircase
Jan 15th
1 tag
Jan 13th
21 notes
1 tag
ListenMylo - Guilty of Love
Jan 13th
3 notes
1 tag
sledding in minnesota is the only place you’ll receive multiple dog bite wounds.
Jan 7th
December 2009
1 post
1 tag
tacos make the day go better.
Dec 2nd
November 2009
4 posts
1 tag
dear pandora radio, stop playing nickelback while im trying to poop. -avid listener
Nov 29th
22 notes
1 tag
Fight Club in Blu Ray made me a man.
Nov 23rd
1 tag
take that fridge! you’re all kinds of empty and now i can fill you up again with not so rotten of food.
Nov 4th
1 tag
cooking some steaks on the stove…i dont think this will work.
Nov 4th
3 notes
October 2009
6 posts
1 tag
ListenM.I.A. - Amazon
Oct 23rd
1 tag
needless to say, my humors were thrown at once out of alignment, and it was only a hearty swig of Doc McGillicuddy’s Nerve and Moustache Elixir which roused me from my stupefied state.
Oct 16th
1 tag
ah, mayonnaise - the Madonna of all food condiments.
Oct 13th
1 tag
bison juicy lucys with homemade mashed potatoes is the key to getting into heaven. just ask the mormons…the mormons.
Oct 8th
1 tag
a long time friend died today. all it took was a large amount of milk from my cereal to finally lay her down to rest. goodbye old girl, you’ve lasted longer than any other computer peripheral or computer for that matter. 2003-2009 Stanky Ass Keyboard.
Oct 7th
1 tag
Oct 6th
37 notes
August 2009
1 post
1 tag
I left a tag open so I can’t get your <body> out of my <head>
Aug 15th
July 2009
4 posts
1 tag
August, 1st 2063. ‘And we are just receiving breaking news that the Dallas Cowboys have signed Brett Favre’
Jul 29th
1 tag
one day you will meet someone who isnt a chore to talk to, someone you dont have to be a victim to.
Jul 28th
28 notes
1 tag
ListenAfrika Bambaataa - Looking For The Perfect Beat ...
Jul 7th
23 notes
1 tag
Jul 2nd
June 2009
27 posts
1 tag
went for a late night workout and saw the most built lady I think ive ever seen in person. She was a brick house she was.
Jun 27th
1 tag
i tried climbing the tallest mountain and accidentally got sucked up into space.
Jun 23rd
1 tag
“did everything come out alright?” she says. i dont know what to say other than chickensandwich. expresso homebrewed. erotic in las vegas. mailbox key does NOT open my front door, ive tried.
Jun 19th
4 notes
1 tag
im kicking this shit old skool. playing some oregon trail and spellevator!
Jun 16th
1 tag
ListenSilly Crimes - The Tough Alliance a really chill...
Jun 16th
1 tag
i cant shave with my eyes closed. meaning each day i have to look at myself in the mirror and respect who i see.
Jun 15th
i picked the wrong numbers for powerball tonite.
Jun 14th
1 tag
ListenJogging - Yelle awesomeness.
Jun 13th
1 tag
Jun 13th
1 tag
im eatin french toast at 10PM? what is this, BIZZARO WORLD? lets hope so.
Jun 13th
1 tag
WatchWatch
slicin and dicin randoms via gta4! found some old footage of myself playing gta4 when it first came out. i still prefer playing with my friends over randoms, so i stuck it to them cuttin with me blade! you never know what kind of skill you draw from randoms, but clearly i exposed some bad shots.
Jun 11th
1 tag
theres a zombie on your lawn!
duel wielding dildo swipe them zombie fools! what do you do?
Jun 10th
1 tag
ListenMastermind - Deltron 3030 the track that will...
Jun 10th
1 tag
ListenChess King - Freezepop i caught the catchy song...
Jun 9th
1 tag
my supper consisted 6 cans of PBR, triscuits and cheese, followed by a BIG ass bowl of cereal.
Jun 9th
1 tag
Jun 8th
1 tag
RING RING RING BANANA PHOOOOOOOONE! DOOP DOOBY DOOP DOOP!
Jun 8th